Perhaps the title of “Renaissance man” is thrown around too much.
Sure, folks can be talented in multiple different disciplines of the arts. Culture is a broad spectrum that reaches billions, and the beauty of it is that its auteurs and practitioners can reach across any construct of division that might separate us: race, gender, creed, language barriers, whatever it might be.
Yet to be a true Renaissance man? That’s someone who really changes the game in ways never before thought. A man so well cultured that it boggles the mind.
For instance: who else on the planet could hit over 500 home runs, win three World Series rings–one of which was paired with a World Series MVP award–and be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame on his first try………………..before bringing a crowd full of people to their feet with their beautiful rendition of DJ Snake and Lil Jon’s 2013 masterpiece “Turn Down For What” on national TV?
That list starts and ends with one man: Red Sox David Ortiz, the songbird of a generation.
Big Papi was recently revealed to be one of the secret performers on Fox’s hit (I think?) TV show “The Masked Singer,” a program that I have only come to know through osmosis after years of watching sports on the channel.
For the uninitiated: celebrities are brought on stage to perform a lil’ tune while dressed in a ridiculously large outfit to hide their identity. From there, the judges and viewers at home are tasked with figuring out who, exactly, the masked singer is prior to a dramatic reveal set to The Who’s “Who Are You” (a great choice, frankly), playing in the background.
Ortiz, dawning the apparel of the legendary “Googly Eyes” outfit, enchanted the audience with his rendition of the EMD classic — a song that has never left the playlist of sporting arena DJs ever since it was released.
I gotta say: I don’t think Papi needed much rehearsal time before the curtains went up. Half of me believes that because, as you can clearly see, he has mastered the domain of musical performance in totality. The other half of me believes that since the lyrics aren’t too crazy. It’s not like he had to memorize “We Didn’t Start The Fire” or “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine).” Nay, it was a simple triple of lyrics he had to commit to memory:
Those lyrics are just a step above The Champs’ hit “Tequila” when it comes to memorization. I knew David wouldn’t screw that up.
That, mixed with the obligatory Lil Jon-esque ad-libs, was Papi’s recipe for success under the bright lights. Talk about energy, baby. I couldn’t have done it better myself. In case you were wondering: I counted seven “YEEEEEEEAHHHUHHHH”’s, seven “LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO”’s, and a pair of “COME ONNNNNNN”’s from Ortiz during his star-making performance.
It was then time to reveal Googly Eyes’ true self.
First off, shoutout to Ken Jeong for hitting us with a “DA JANKEES LOSE” before the man himself even got the chance. Ken, you’re free to come on Pod On Lansdowne whenever you’d like.
Papi mentioned that it was a legit workout inside of that suit. I don’t doubt him, but after watching the performance again (and again and again and again and again and again, because my goodness how could you not?), you can barely see Mr. Googly moving about on the stage. Maybe that has to do with the size of the suit itself.
Nick Cannon, my friend: the amount of times David Ortiz has walked a game off is higher than the amount of times Lil Jon has screamed “WHAT?!?!?!?!” into a microphone. I can promise you he wasn’t nervous before stepping up into the Googly Eyes suit before the biggest performance of his life. He always rises to meet these moments.
From my understanding, this show sometimes distorts the voice of whoever’s singing. I appreciate how there was nothing even close to an attempt at doing so for Papi, though. That’s so clearly and obviously his voice. You could’ve awoken me in the middle of the night, played three seconds of Googly Eyes’ rendition of “Turn Down For What,” and then asked me who was inside the costume. I’d be able to tell you who it was before I’d realize I wasn’t still dreaming.
Also: what the hell is Robin Thicke wearing?
He looks like The Man In The Yellow Hat from “Curious George” if he was hired as a private investigator in 1940’s Los Angeles. Or if he ran a gentlemen’s club in 1940’s Los Angeles. Or both.
One of the incorrect guesses as to who was behind the mask, according to Cannon, was Derek Jeter. Can you imagine how boring that would be? What stinky, low energy, milquetoast song would tHe CaPtAiN sing on this show? My money’s on something like “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain (no pun intended) and Tennille. That’s one for the older folks in the audience, I gotchu.
But anyways, salute to David Ortiz: the only man to hit for over 500 homers while also redefining music as we know it.
